BONECA DE CERA! ( DESPERTAR DO CORAÇÃO).

Desde criança sempre fui muito independente. Cresci buscando viver a vida do meu jeito. Me tornei um tanto individualista. Aprendi com minha mãe que isso era saudável e me facilitaria buscar caminhos desejados. Assim, eu fui dando muito certo nos estudos, na minha profissão de engenheira agrônoma e na vida social. Sempre estudei muito. Dei o sangue no meu doutorado. Recebi o conceito máximo! Procurava não me envolver com problemas que não fossem meus. Nunca desviar o foco. Egocêntrica mesmo! Só pensava no meu desenvolvimento profissional e social. Namoros, relacionamentos? Não cabiam em minha agenda.  Nunca me apaixonei. Fiz sexo esporádico, sem envolvimentos. Me tornei um ” robô humano”! Dificilmente chorava. Aprendi que chorar era dos fracos. Nem mesmo quando a minha mãe morreu. Afinal eu não podia desconcertá-la! Desse jeito fui desenvolvendo uma atitude de negação emocional e muita rigidez de caráter. Se eu falasse “não” à uma determinada situação, jamais mudaria de opinião. O modelo materno se encaixou como uma luva no meu jeito de ser. Tinha uma amiga, Maria,  que me apelidou de ” BONECA DE CERA”! Dizia que eu era bonita e insensível. Eu achava graça e dizia que não era bem assim. Confesso que as vezes isso me incomodava. Ela vivia paixões, sofria, sorria, chorava…  De certa forma eu achava aquilo muito estranho. Alguém ficar sofrendo por alguém! Não via necessidade nisso. Fui ensinada a ser prática e deletar tudo que podia me tornar emocionalmente dependente. Também aprendi com minha mãe a nunca prejudicar ninguém.  Ter muita responsabilidade sobre os meus atos. Com essa consciência, tirei minha carta de motorista aos dezoito anos de idade. Nunca bati o carro. Estou com vinte e nove anos  e considero que dirijo muito bem. Segunda feira passada, indo à academia para fazer os meus alongamentos costumeiros, dirigindo o meu carro, meio distraída no celular, de repente  escutei um forte barulho. Como se tivesse passado em cima de algo pesado e grande. Parei imediatamente para ver o que havia acontecido. Fiquei chocada! Estirado no chão, um belo “labrador dourado” tremia, evidentemente em choque. Senti um aperto no peito! Naquele momento, não pensei em nada. Só queria salvá-lo. Sorte que bem em frente ao acidente, havia uma clínica veterinária. Corri pra pedir socorro. Nesse momento chegou um homem forte, alto, moreno,  de cabelos negros e encaracolados. Estava visivelmente preocupado e tenso. Começou a acariciar o focinho de seu amigo “FRED”. Tudo foi muito rápido. Nisso o veterinário chegou e com muito cuidado transportou o cão para a clínica. Em seguida entramos eu e o dono do labrador.  Para alívio, o diagnóstico foi o de apenas uma leve lesão nas patas traseiras. Ficaria imobilizado por um curto espaço de tempo. Poderia ter sido muito pior! João, o dono do labrador, ouviu com calma as minhas desculpas e a intenção de assumir todos os gastos.  Ele foi tão delicado e sensível. Tocou em algo dentro de mim! Foi uma sensação muito boa e nova! Assim que o cão, Fred, foi liberado, quando fui acertar os gastos do tratamento, tive outra surpresa. João, seu dono, já havia pago a conta. Fiquei brava, disse que não era justo. Essa conta era minha! Insisti, mas não teve jeito. Meio sorrindo e desconversando, sutilmente, ele quis saber mais de mim. Trocamos telefones e olhares. Pela primeira vez na vida, senti um frio na barriga por um homem! Foi gostoso e esquisito. Fiquei assustada e pensando muito nesse homem. Tudo isso aconteceu na segunda feira passada. Passei a semana com muita vontade de vê-lo novamente e quem sabe, tomar um sorvete na “Parque das Árvores”, pertinho aqui de casa. Fiquei curiosa e intrigada com a sua delicadeza e sensibilidade.. Queria saber mais dele. Comentei sobre João com minha amiga Maria. Ela não acreditou. Disse meio gozando: “Acho que você foi fisgada, boneca de cera!!! Nunca vi você se empolgar por ninguém!”.  Foi a primeira vez que eu não fiquei brava, quando ouvia esse comentário. Na verdade estou ansiosa. Comendo muito chocolate amargo!!! Hoje já é sexta-feira e nada dele me ligar. Me peguei pensando: será que já se esqueceu de mim? Será que devo ligar pra ele? E se ele nem quiser falar comigo???  Meu coração está disparado. Parece que vai sair pela boca! Busco meu lado racional pra me socorrer. Pego o meu celular. Mãos tremendo! Decido ligar e acabar com esse conflito! ALÔ! QUEM FALA? É O FRED OU O JOÃO?!!! Muitos risos do outro lado da linha!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

não ficaria bem. É o homem quem tem que ligar! Na natureza dele é de caça. Fiquei confusa, instável e de certa forma me detestando, por estar fragilizada por alguém que nem conhecia. Ao mesmo tempo, me sentia mais viva, pulsante e com vontade de sair dançando pela vida afora, só de imaginar um encontro com ele!

1.299 comentários em “BONECA DE CERA! ( DESPERTAR DO CORAÇÃO).”

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