INFIDELIDADE (expectativa de mim)

Muito sonhadora, romântica e solitária.  Quem sabe uma fantasia  me faria bem? Meu casamento anda num tédio! Quase nem vejo Eduardo. Sai de casa cedinho para trabalhar, e a noitinha, todos os dias, happy hour.  Quer me enrolar dizendo ser importante  ele reforçar relações profissionais. Toda turma do escritório costuma ir, diz ele. Enquanto isso fico eu e minha solidão, caladas. Esperando  Eduardo voltar.  Deve pensar que sou idiota. Não é possível. Cansei! Eduardo merece um chifrão bem no meio da testa. Na melhor das hipóteses! Outro dia chegou, alta madrugada, cheirando um perfume de mulher. Descarado negou. Veementemente. Disse que eu estava louca.  Que agora dei para imaginar cheiros. Fiquei muito puta da vida! Quebrei o maior pau, espatifei louças no chão da cozinha. A vontade era  jogar na cabeça dele. Controlei minha raiva. Não seria desiquilibrada a esse ponto. Não seria a louca que ele me chamava. O malandro do Eduardo, como sempre, com seu jeito, cínico, único, seduziu novamente meu bom senso. Acabei, novamente, na cama com ele. Depois daquele orgasmo incrível, a raiva amenizou, mas, sinto que não o perdoei. Já conclui que ele é um sem vergonha inveterado. Não tem atitude de homem casado.  Seu caráter não vai mudar. Tenho muita vontade de me vingar. Confesso que  tenho dificuldade em ser infiel. Fui criada numa família com valores morais. Trair em minha família era pecado e crime! Evito pensar em vingança, por isso. Porém, está acontecendo algo estranho em minha cabeça. De uns tempos para cá, anda rolando em meus pensamentos, fantasias sexuais com o Bruno da quitanda. Viril e forte. Não tem muita beleza física, mas, e daí? Tem charme e está me trazendo vida. Bruno é danado, vive me seduzindo com olhares e morangos. Nunca comi tantos morangos! Toda tarde dou um jeito, me arrumo toda cheirosa e vou buscar  verdura fresca e alguma fruta para o meu  jantar solitário. Bruno já percebeu minha carência e como macho alfa que se acha, não desiste, tenta aquecer meus sentimentos de mulher com olhares sedutores e pacotinhos de morangos. Noutro dia, audacioso, colocou um morango enorme em minha boca. Confesso que estava uma delícia. Adorei aquele imenso morango doce! Porém, confesso que a noite em meu travesseiro, só quero Eduardo. Na verdade Eduardo é minha paixão! Os pensamentos fantasiosos tem vindo como uma brincadeira nutrindo minha carência. Não pode haver pecado! Imagens  se afloram coloridas em minha mente, repletas do Bruno. Cenas pegando fogo entre quatro paredes.  Como  num filme. Sinto que acendem meu lado adormecido de mulher. Saio da cova emocional em que me meti. Não estou feliz! – Na última segunda feira, atormentada e angustiada,  chegou em meu consultório, Ana Lúcia. Precisava se entender! Sair dessa cilada emocional em que se colocou. Queria obter respostas viscerais de seu coração contraditório.  Sentir. Expressar. Ter atitudes assertivas. Lidar com sentimentos bloqueados que a estavam sabotando. Rever valores e culpas. Sentiu que estava sendo infiel a si mesma! Precisava colocar no paredão de seu coração, Eduardo e Bruno.  Que mistério a prendia nessa situação energeticamente desgastante, alimentando tanta insegurança e fragilidade? Precisava desvencilhar as  tramas de seu coração!

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