CONVITE ASSASSINO! (AUSÊNCIA DE GROUNDING)

Flagrei  a paixão de minha vida andando de mãos dadas, aos beijos, com uma outra pessoa. Isto não está acontecendo,  eu pensei! Não podia acreditar naquela realidade. Como pode o “amor de minha vida”, me matando, tão cruelmente?!!! Perdi o chão! Perdi a razão! Orgulhosa como sou, não me expus. Com as pernas trêmulas, soluços incontidos e uma dor lancinante no peito, mesmo assim, fugi dali! Não daria o gosto dele me ver tão fragilizada, tão sem mim! Assim, enlouquecida, comecei a andar sem rumo, sem noção do tempo! Como se isso conseguisse afastar da angústia de morte que sente uma mulher traída. Depois de andar por muito tempo, consegui ouvir um som que gritava ainda mais alto que o meu coração. Entrei na balada! Muitas luzes! Muito barulho! Parecia que as pessoas estavam numa catarse! Ninguém enxergava ninguém! Eu não era ninguém! Apenas um número a mais naquela loucura desenfreada. Entrei naquele movimento frenético, também. Meus braços começaram a se levantar de um lado para o outro, como se eles fossem se soltar de meu corpo. Os quadris giravam! As pernas que estavam trêmulas, até então, pulavam do chão, restabelecendo a circulação energética perdida. Da garganta foi surgindo um som gutural e, como um índio, me entreguei toda! Não queria ser mais eu! Eu era o grupo! Assim se passaram duas horas, ininterruptas… Quando retomei a lucidez, estava sentada no chão com um rapaz tentando me beijar. Me assustei e reagi abruptamente. Me afastei dele. Seu rosto estava encoberto por barba mal feita. Cheirava álcool e maconha! Ele, um  atrevido carente! Fingindo não entender que eu o rejeitei, me ofereceu droga e insistiu que pelo menos eu provasse! Fez um discurso de quanto ele achava aquilo libertador! Disse que percebeu a minha tristeza e que essa era a forma que ele conhecia de se aliviar o coração. Naquele momento, consegui olhar o ser humano que estava ali. Tinha mais ou menos a minha idade e sua atitude estava falando um pouco de suas dores. Percebi como ele estava pior que eu! Esqueci da minha ferida! Foquei naquele homem-menino. Que histórias o tinham conduzido para aquele caminho? Pensei em minha mãe. Mulher guerreira que insistiu em me ensinar a guerrear, ME AFASTAR DE DROGAS! Senti empatia! Senti com se fosse uma retomada de consciência!  A força retomada! Me reapropriei de mim! Nunca mais olhei a cara do traidor! Retomei meus projetos de vida. Artur, o dono do convite assassino? Depois de um bom tratamento, desistiu de se matar! HOJE  ELE ME LEVA AOS CÉUS!

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