NÃO SOU ASSASSINA! (REAÇÕES INCONSCIENTES).

Neste último fim de semana, resolvi mexer em fotos antigas. Fui até as gavetas da cômoda de meu quarto e revirei tudo em cima da cama. Nossa, acho que tinha mais de duzentas fotos! Ali estava a história de minha vida. Quantas lembranças! Alegrias e dores me vieram à mente. Me vi no colo de minha mãe. Tão bebê! Ela parecia estar feliz, naquele momento. Tinha um certo brilho em seu olhar! Expressava uma imagem que eu nunca mais pude encontrar nela. A cada foto que caia em minha mãos, eu parava um pouco e tentava me transportar para aquele momento. Buscava sentir a emoção que brotava em mim. Parecia uma viagem. Estava literalmente mergulhando em todo o meu passado. Algumas fotos me despertavam mais emoções. Numa das fotos, reencontrei o meu pai, jovem e muito charmoso. Ele era bem o meu tipo de homem! Hoje, entendo todo os ciúmes de minha mãe. A mulherada não se segurava. Nem queria saber se ele era casado.  Era um homem atraente e expressava muita sensualidade. Minha mãe sofreu muito com ele! Na verdade, ela vivia tão infernizada que mal tinha tempo para mim. Recordo dela brigando, gritando… Até o agredindo fisicamente. Coitada! Lembro da minha impotência diante das crises deles. Isso foi durante toda a minha infância. Eu sofria demais, com toda aquele situação. Ficava assustada e insegura. Tinha muito medo de perder os meus pais! A cada briga deles, eu me escondia atrás da porta. Lá me sentia protegida daquela violência. Era um clima de horror! Assim que as brigas passavam, enquanto minha mãe se entregava à bebida, eu pegava o meu gatinho Nino e corria para o quarto. Ele sim era meu amigo! Lá, a gente brincava muito, muito! Fazia de conta que ele era meu filhinho. Penteava suavemente seus pelos macios e brancos. Conversava muito com ele. Na maioria das vezes, adormecia abraçada com o Nino. De vez em quando, quando minha mãe se recuperava de sua loucura, ia me acordar e me contava uma história. Eu sempre senti ausência de contato em seu olhar. Ainda dizem que criança não percebe essas situações! Ela até tentava me proteger, mas, pouco conseguiu. Hoje eu a entendo! Ela era muito fragilizada! Fiquei traumatizada com o relacionamento doentio de meus pais. Eles já faleceram há alguns anos! Cresci pensando em nunca me envolver com nenhum homem. Nunca  ter um filho! Me transformei num mulher insegura com medo de amar e não ser feliz. Fiquei com a sensação que relacionamentos só geram ansiedades e sofrimentos. Destroem a mulher. Sempre desconfiei de todos os homens! Namorei alguns. Nunca me apaixonei. Tenho trinta anos de idade. Neste momento de vida, estou desesperada! Num intenso conflito! Descobri que estou grávida de um rapaz sensual, Gabriel, com quem fico de vez em quando. Ele diz  ser apaixonado por mim. Não acredito nele!  Evito entrar nesse assunto. Gosto de sua pele e seu cheiro. Só isso! Nunca quis compromisso e nem envolvimento. Quase morri com a notícia da gravidez! Como assim? Sempre tive tantas precauções!!! Adoro criança e não quero ser mãe! É um paradoxo em minha vida. Marquei o aborto! Minha culpa está avassaladora!  Tenho me sentido uma bruxa! Uma verdadeira assassina!  Acho que por isso fui remexer as fotos, lá na gaveta  da cômoda. Buscar algum motivo para, talvez, deixar aflorar desejos reprimidos. Reparar dores do coração.  Confesso que as histórias revividas repaginaram algumas sensações ancoradas na tristeza! Alguma coisa mudou. Ando sonhando acordada, desde o começo dessa semana. Quando penso numa nova vida se desenvolvendo dentro de mim, o mundo tem ficado mais colorido. Acho que a ambivalência chegou ao fim! Nesta manhã, recebi um telefonema da clínica :- “RESPONDI UM SONORO SIM À VIDA”!!!

670 comentários em “NÃO SOU ASSASSINA! (REAÇÕES INCONSCIENTES).”

  1. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been conducting a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner because I discovered it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending time to discuss this matter here on your site.

  2. I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this website. I’m hoping to see the same high-grade content from you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal blog now 😉

  3. Aw, this was an extremely good post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to create a very good article… but what can I say… I hesitate a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.

  4. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who had been doing a little research on this. And he actually ordered me lunch because I discovered it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to discuss this matter here on your site.

  5. I blog frequently and I genuinely appreciate your content. This great article has truly peaked my interest. I’m going to take a note of your blog and keep checking for new details about once a week. I opted in for your Feed as well.

  6. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and interesting, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is something too few folks are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy that I found this in my hunt for something regarding this.

  7. I happen to be writing to let you be aware of what a fine encounter my wife’s princess enjoyed browsing yuor web blog. She noticed several issues, including how it is like to possess a wonderful giving character to have many people without hassle comprehend specified impossible issues. You undoubtedly surpassed her expected results. Thank you for coming up with the effective, healthy, revealing and also unique tips on this topic to Ethel.

  8. Hi, I do think this is an excellent blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to revisit once again since i have book-marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.

  9. I was very happy to uncover this site. I want to to thank you for ones time for this wonderful read!! I definitely really liked every little bit of it and I have you saved as a favorite to see new stuff on your website.

  10. Right here is the perfect site for anybody who wishes to find out about this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a topic which has been written about for ages. Wonderful stuff, just wonderful!

  11. An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment. I think that you should write more about this subject, it might not be a taboo subject but typically people don’t discuss such issues. To the next! Cheers!!

  12. Excellent site you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really like to be a part of community where I can get suggestions from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Many thanks!

  13. Right here is the perfect web site for anybody who wants to understand this topic. You know so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a topic that’s been written about for years. Excellent stuff, just great!

  14. Next time I read a blog, Hopefully it doesn’t disappoint me just as much as this one. After all, I know it was my choice to read through, however I really thought you would probably have something helpful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of crying about something you could fix if you were not too busy searching for attention.

  15. An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I do think that you need to write more about this subject, it may not be a taboo subject but generally people don’t speak about such issues. To the next! All the best!!

  16. Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after looking at many of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely happy I discovered it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!

  17. Hi, I do believe this is an excellent blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I will come back yet again since I bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

  18. May I simply say what a comfort to find someone that actually understands what they are talking about on the net. You definitely realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. A lot more people must read this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised you’re not more popular given that you certainly possess the gift.

  19. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this site. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s hard to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and visual appearance. I must say you’ve done a very good job with this. In addition, the blog loads super quick for me on Opera. Outstanding Blog!

  20. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now
    each time a comment is added I get four e-mails with the same
    comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
    Bless you!

  21. Hey! This is my first visit to your blog!
    We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative
    in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work
    on. You have done a outstanding job!

  22. I was curious if you ever considered changing the page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

Deixe uma resposta

O seu endereço de e-mail não será publicado.