O sangue pulsava forte na cabeça. Ai, como doía! ” Não sei se doía mais a cabeça ou o coração”! Ele estava despedaçado. O meu amor não me queria mais! Fiquei impotente. Achava que não ia conseguir continuar a viver! Tentei de todas as formas me livrar daquela dor. Deus! Fiz luto, chorei tudo o que tinha que chorar. Mandei até rezar missa! De semana! De ano! Ciclo enlouquecedor, compulsivo! Só encontrava alívio nas lembranças do dia em que o tinha conhecido! Lembrava daquela tarde encantada, cheia de sol, com vento espalhando aromas doces pelos ares! Tinha lá, na “Vila Madalena”, o sorvete natural do ” Pedrinho’, bom como ele só! Lembro que, igual à uma criança, lambia as bordas, pra não derreter e manchar meu vestido verde marinho! Quando saia daquela lembrança compulsiva, minha mente, entrava de novo naquela rotina emocional enlouquecida! Eu não tinha mais forças para continuar naquele ciclo! Tinha que me refazer! Tinha que tentar me salvar! Comecei a buscar vida, paulatinamente. Me forcei a desenvolver um novo olhar sobre mim mesma. Nessa nova fase, passear em parques e lugares abertos me dava algum prazer, não suportava ambientes fechados! Numa dessas andanças, distraída, sentada num banco de jardim, chegou um cara despojado no modo de vestir e se expressar. Sentou-se ao meu lado! “Algo mudou naquele momento”! De repente, do nada, começamos a conversar. Sua fala era envolvente, mágica! Acho que me apaixonei ali ! Ele era diferente. Queria aquele presente pra sempre! Parecia ser a primeira vez! De novo senti estrelas no coração! Foram dois anos encantados! Marcos soube me fazer feliz e acreditar de novo no amor! Nesse estágio emocional intenso, quando fazia planos de ter filhos e casar, numa tarde muito gelada de junho, veio a notícia da “morte do meu amor”! Pensei em morrer junto! Revolta, raiva, tristeza! Nada trouxe ele de volta! Hoje, passado um ano, ainda sob o impacto da dor, estou buscando dentro de mim sinais vitais, onde possa me ancorar. Amadureci com tanta dor! Mentalizo que nada é definitivo! Penso que há ciclos na vida. Estou buscando o que ficou de bom ! Coloco em minha cabeça que sou forte e devo continuar o caminho…Tenho que me desapegar do passado e recomeçar!
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