FELIZ NATAL (RENASCER)

 Estou só e triste! Lá fora as luzes  brilham como estrelas no céu. Quantas lembranças, meu DEUS! Os sons das pessoas conversando, rindo, aumentam ainda mais a minha angústia. Tento ouvir meu coração!  Não consigo. Sinto que algo muito forte está quase a explodir! Penso, com profunda saudades, em minha mãe, meu pai, minha infância, já tão longínqua. Lembro da magia de quando, em noite de natal, à meia noite, se trocavam presentes em nome do ” papai noel”! E os amigos secretos? A gente tinha que adivinhar tudo que vinha dentro das caixas de papelão. A excitação das pessoas, que pareciam crianças, também. Muitas vezes, eu queria provar “champanhe” e ouvia um sonoro não de minha mãe; em vez disso me oferecia um suco de uva, especial, que ela mesma fazia. Eu achava ruim! Queria o proibido, mas aceitava logo, não ia estragar a festa! Acho que faltou naquele momento, ela me explicar o porque do “NÃO”! Hoje, adulto e tão distante dos meus amores, das minhas fontes de afetos genuínos, abandonado de mim mesmo, quero salvar a criança que habita em mim. Quem sabe ainda existam caminhos em que eu possa investir minha energia e resgatar a alegria de viver. Essa noite de natal, seus sons e cores mexendo com meus  conflitos, já tão antigos, trouxe à luz, a força dos afetos e a necessidade do perdão!  Tenho que fazer escolhas e nem sempre as melhores são as mais fáceis – hoje sei disso! Percebo que, muitas vezes, assim como minha mãe não me explicou o motivo de criança não poder tomar champanhe, eu também deixei de me explicar e de ouvir, em situações de crise! Amores importantes partiram, sem que eu entendesse o porque! Refletindo, nessa noite de natal, em seu significado, no quanto são importantes os afetos em nossas vidas, acho que devo dar chance ao meu coração! Tem tanta coisa bloqueada e perdida no tempo! Depois dessa caminhada interna, olho no relógio e percebo que já se passaram quatro horas de profunda reflexão. Sinto que algo está mudando em mim. Pensando bem, acho que vou tentar resgatar amores possíveis e quem sabe poder receber o novo! Sou a primeira da lista! Nossa! Já estou conseguindo espiar pela janela e sentir certa alegria nas luzes, cores e sons, que estão vindo lá de fora! PAPAI NOEL EXISTE!                

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