A SEMI LOUCA ! (NEGAÇÃO)

Sou Maria. Nasci negra e linda, há vinte e cinco anos! Cresci numa família amorosa e com muito contato afetivo. Minha mãe, uma pessoa forte, charmosa e negra, assim como eu, foi o meu modelo de mulher! Soube fazer na vida tudo aquilo com que sonhou. Meu pai, um alemão alto e bonito, de olhos azuis, sempre foi apaixonado por ela. Viviam aos beijos, mesmo estando juntos há tantos anos. Pareciam recém-casados! As pessoas  sempre falavam que eles eram “almas gêmeas”. Realmente ela teve muita sorte de ter encontrado o Amor de sua vida, ainda muito jovem. Imaginem vocês, ela engravidou com apenas dezessete anos. Uma menina! Meus avós, seus pais adotivos, seres humanos maravilhosos, queriam muito que ela completasse os estudos. Se preocupavam muito com o seu futuro. Não queriam vê-la casada tão cedo. Mas não teve jeito! Voluntariosa e determinada, decidiu assumir a sua gravidez e o homem de sua vida! Eu soube, através das histórias que a família contava sobre meus pais, que eles tiveram muitas dificuldades no início do seu casamento. Meu pai, também jovem, vinte e dois anos, ainda nem tinha completado a universidade. Dava aulas de matemática para eles sobreviverem. Minha mãe, mesmo comigo bebê, deu continuidade aos seus estudos de pedagogia. Formou-se e foi crescendo profissionalmente. Mesmo assim ela arranjava tempo para estar muito presente em minha vida.  Lembro que, quando eu era menina, a gente brincava juntas, de boneca, como duas crianças. Era tão bom! Quantas saudades! Nossa, ela era uma pessoa tão natural, intensa! Seus olhos expressavam a alma. Fui crescendo. Fiquei a cara dela. Só herdei o sorriso de meu pai.  Parece que deu certo. Sempre gostei de olhar no espelho e me sentir o máximo!  Quanto ao meu pai, fez muito sucesso na engenharia, carreira que seguiu com competência e determinação.  Se resolveu profissionalmente. A única coisa ruim eram as longas e constantes viagens profissionais. Eu e minha mãe  sentíamos muito a falta dele. Minha mãe contava os dias. Quando ele retornava, era uma festa! Ele também chegava com a alegria de um menino ! Porém, existem coisas que quero um dia perguntar à DEUS! Há cinco meses , em uma dessas viagens, numa noite chuvosa, recebemos um telefonema no meio da noite. Foi a notícia mais trágica que podia chegar.  Meu pai tinha sofrido um acidente na estrada e perdeu a vida!!! Enlouquecemos. A dor intensa desfigurava a minha alma.  Minha mãe desmaiou! Depois desse momento, me deu um “branco mental”. Fiquei sem ação. O meu mundo emocional se virou de cabeça para baixo. Desde de lá, estou tendo “transtorno de ansiedade”. Fico muito mal. Respiração acelerada.Tonturas que alternam com dores no peito.  Mal estar geral. Não me reconheço. Pensei que estava cardíaca. Os médicos me acalmaram. Estou indo a um psicólogo. A terapia está me mostrando que tenho que me reorganizar e continuar… Preciso me restabelecer! Ainda tenho uma negra maravilhosa, que, pela dor profunda, parece uma “semi- louca”. Ela nega a morte de seu Amor! Todos os dias, à noitinha, se arruma toda e senta na varanda. Espera que ele volte. Não quer ouvir ninguém. Não aceita nenhum tratamento. Só aceita o meu carinho! Depois de esperar até a exaustão, meio adormecida, consigo que ela vá para a cama, bem abraçada a mim. As nossas dores se cruzam por instantes! Tento sair rapidamente desse estado emocional, antes que eu também fique na varanda à espera de meu pai!!!

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